Better Late than Never

Dear Finn,

Happy birthday baby boy. You are 1 year old! I had hoped to post this on your actual birthday, but that didn't really happen. As you get older, you will learn that life often gets in the way of well-laid plans. Since I don't do scrapbooks and have yet to purchase a baby book for you, much less write in it, this blog is probably as close as I'll get to recording your many accomplishments and milestones for posterity. Anyway, I thought I would write you a little letter to reflect on the first year of your life and our first year together. 

FInn, you came into the world on your own time (maybe you take after me?) 6 days late and still had to be "heavily encouraged." When I held you for the first time, I had never experienced such intense emotions: Complete and utter joy, that you were my happy, healthy baby boy; and total fear that you were mine and I had to take care of you forever (without the nurses help). We made it home--and through those first few months--and have lived to tell about it. I take lots of comfort in the fact that you probably won't remember them anyway. Those sleepless nights are even fading from my mind.

This past year has been full of new surprises and life-altering experiences, for both of us. I have never been a mom before and trust me there is no way I could have adequately prepared myself for your arrival. No amount of books, self-help dvds, classes, baby proofing seminars, hospital tours, etc. etc. could have possibly prepared me for being your mom. But now that you're here, I can't imagine life without you. All those dirty diapers, loads of laundry, sleepless nights, tears shed (mostly mine)--for one little smile, or maybe a coo, or gurble, or maybe a look and I would do it  all again one thousand times over. 

Finn, you are one amazing little boy and I have loved watching you grow from being a blob of a newborn--no offense, but you didn't do much but eat, sleep, poo and CRY--to the walking, talking, smiling, laughing, loving and fiercely independent little boy you are today. You have taught me so much probably without even realizing it-joy, patience, perseverance, patience, how to survive on less than 4 hours of sleep, and most importantly, LOVE. I loved you from the first minute I knew you existed and infinitely more now than I ever thought possible. 

You have been a very busy boy this year. Smiling, laughing, rolling over, sitting (and spitting) up, saying your first words, pulling up, your first airplane ride, feeding yourself, taking your first steps and blowing out the candles on your first birthday cake--all big milestones that happened this past year. I still can't believe that you are officially a toddler and not my "baby" anymore. Sometimes I wish I could freeze time so that I will always remember your smile and face the way it looks right now. It all goes by so fast and I am so thankful that I get to spend my days with you--never missing a moment. Your dad works very hard to provide for us and afford me the opportunity to stay home with you. Some moms don't have the choice. 

I want you to know how much I love you. There is nothing you could do, say or wear that can or will change that. One day when you are all grown up and you have your own little boy or girl, only then, will you have even the slightest idea of how much I really love you. 

There are so many other people who love you. In ways you could never imagine. Your dad loves you so much and he is so proud of you. He rushes home from work everyday just to see you and spend time with you. Mimi and Bop, Big and Baa, Aunt Lindsey and Peyton, the Stokes, the Browns, the rest of the Lyles family, the entire Young clan (even the "Griswald" Youngs), our friends, and yes, even Lily, although she prefers you not throw your toys at her at point blank range from the backseat of the Honda--we are working on the SUV, I promise. Even though these wonderful people are not near you always, know that are always thinking of you and counting down the days until they can see you again. But most importantly, baby Jesus, because he is always with you and always watching over you, even in all the way up here in NJ.

Finn, we have come so far this year and this is only the beginning. I thank God every night that he picked me to be your mom. I can't wait to see what's in store for us in 2009. 

Love, Mama